Delighted Super Nova Store

I’m a recovering type A personality. I’ve never performed like a type A person in my day to day life but I’ve always had the expectations of the results of my daily tasks to be nothing short of perfect. So naturally I was pretty hard on myself. I would beat myself up for not folding clothes with the crisp edges like my mom achieves or beat myself up because the study guide I would make for school wasn’t worthy for sale like the valedictorians or what have you. I was always a little too messy to be a type A person but I still wanted the clean cut results at the end. So I’m in recovery. I’m allowing my process to be messy and I’m allowing the results to be short of perfect. It’s hard. I still feel like everything in my life is under construction and like nothing is finished. My room feels like a place where it’s always half put together and all of the wellness gurus say your room is like your sanctuary or should be. I’ve also heard your room is an external representation of your mind.. which is even scarier. I guess I just have a lot of half formed ideas and projects in both my mind and my room. Unsettling thought.. one I’d almost not like to finish. Ha. But really though, I’d like to meet someone like me who has gone through their recovery phase and come out the other side with some division of a system that works for them. Something I don’t have to focus on too hard and strain my brain and attention span that actually delivers results worth being at least a little proud of. I guess the thing I really need to work on most is not pulling myself apart or wracking my brain to figure out what I’m doing wrong, no. The thing I should be focusing on is the things that I can do well with little effort. The things I actually want to do and value doing. Focus on the beauty that the mess makes and find a comfortable way to express what’s in my soul rather than making myself crazy with all of this thought of lack. Maybe I am hitting some marks, maybe the marks that I am setting for myself aren’t the ones I truly deeply care about because if they were then maybe I’d hit them easier and with less inner turmoil.